The Journal Entry
by Cow as White as Milk
Summary: HGSS If you like this relationship, you'll like this story. Can't write a proper summary, cause if I write a summary, I'll give the whole fiction away.


Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...I know it's a songfic. But I'll try to make it less annoying. Oh, yeah. I don't own the words to 'Another Suitcase in Another Hall', and I don't own the characters either.

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Hermione rushed out of the dungeon classroom as fast as she could with only one thing on her mind. 'Mudblood.' The most ridiculing, unpleasant, revolting name she could think of. And it came from his lips. Lips that belonged to someone she had looked up to for the last ten years. Sure he had called her things before, but they never hurt her.  
  
But this had hurt her. Even worse than it had when Draco had repeatedly called her that in their time attending Hogwarts. Yet still, this was different. She hadn't loved Draco. Turning the corner, she slid down onto the cold floor.  
  
Taking her journal out of one of her robe pockets, she placed it on the ground beside her and opened it to the page after her last entry. She then took out the voice activated, hands free quill Severus had given her for her birthday and started to tell it what was on her mind as if the quill were a person. "I don't expect my love affairs to last for long, I never fool myself that my dreams will come true. Being used to trouble I anticipate it, but all the same I hate it. Wouldn't you?"  
  
Sighing she watched the quill take down her words. Trouble. Sure, she had been in trouble before. Growing up as one of Harry Potter's best friends, trouble seemed to come along for the ride. Sighing she continued to disclose what was on her mind to her quill.

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Severus chided himself the moment the word came out of his mouth. Why the hell had he called her that? _What, she didn't already have it hard with Ron's death, so you had to make matters worse?_ He asked himself sarcastically.  
  
Slamming his hand down on his desk, he reveled in the sharp stinging sensation that it caused. Sure, she had messed up Lupin's Wolfsbane potion, but that was no reason to call her what he did. It was hardly ever that she botched anything up, he should have taken that as a clue. _But no, You couldn't keep your trap shut. _His mind screamed at him.  
  
Getting up from his desk, he stormed out of the door, hoping he was going in the same direction that she had gone. He didn't have to go far when he heard her voice. It was strained as if something was caught in her throat.  
  
"Time and time again I've said that I don't care, that I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through. But every time it matters all my words desert me, so anyone can hurt me." She paused to let out a long breath. "And they do."  
  
When she spoke those three words it felt like someone was tearing at his chest. He loved her, honestly he did. He knew that. But, from the sound in her voice, he now realized what a fool he'd been for turning her away the way that he did. He had called her 'Mudblood' so that he wouldn't ever have to admit what he was truly feeling towards her.

Yet hearing her speak, It was amazing to him that she could put all the love she was feeling into those three simple words.  
  
"In three months time, I'll be fine I know, well maybe not that fine but I'll survive anyhow. I won't recall the names and places of each sad occasion, but that's no consolation here and now.  
  
Severus listened confused at this last statement. _What does she mean by not recalling names and places? _Then a disturbing though reached up and took hold of his mind. _Would she obliviate herself?  
_  
He winced. She would. The war had made her crazy enough to do it. He remembered speaking to her on the battlefield, after the fall of the Dark Lord. She was covered in gore and ready to drop everything and live like a muggle.  
  
"So what happens now?" He heard her ask.  
  
He saved her then, he'll save her now.  
  
"Where am I going to?" He turned the corner as she held her wand directed at herself.  
  
Quickly he walked over, snatched her wand away, and knelt to hold her in his arms. He felt his shoulder becoming wet with her silent tears. Rocking her gently, he placed a small kiss on top of her head and put an end to her questions. "Don't ask anymore, Love."  
  
End

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